Always Late, Never Straight: The Truth Behind Time and Money Habits

For years, many individuals have heard their significant others promise to be on time after hanging out with friends, only to be left waiting again and again. Similarly, many partners struggle with someone who does not communicate their spending habits unless they fear the reaction of their significant other. These behaviors can cause frustration and strain in relationships, making partners feel unimportant or even deceived. But why do some individuals continue these habits despite knowing their negative effects? The answer lies in a mix of psychology, habits, and social influences.

Why are They Always Late?

One of the most common complaints in relationships is that someone promises to be home at a certain time but is always late. It is easy to assume that they do not respect their partner’s time, but the issue is often more complex.

Lack of Time Awareness

Some people, especially those who are social and easily engaged in conversations, simply lose track of time. According to Peetz and Buehler (2009), individuals tend to underestimate how long tasks will take, a phenomenon known as the “planning fallacy.” When your partner is enjoying themself with their friends, they may not realize how quickly time passes.

Social Pressure and Group Dynamics

Men often feel pressured to stay longer in social settings due to group dynamics and social norms that equate staying with loyalty (Deutsch & Gerard, 1955). Even if they plan to leave on time, peer influence can compel them to remain. Women may also experience pressure to stay, but their motivations can differ. They might stay to support a friend in need, maintain group cohesion, or ensure everyone is enjoying themselves, influenced by societal expectations of nurturing roles. Thus, while both genders feel the pull of group dynamics, their reasons for staying longer can vary.

Avoidance of Confrontation

Another reason for habitual lateness is the avoidance of an uncomfortable conversation. If your partner has been late many times before, they might fear that admitting they are staying out longer will lead to an argument. Instead, they convinces themself that they will leave soon, even when deep down they know they won’t.

Lack of Prioritization

Though it may not be intentional, repeated lateness can indicate that someone is prioritizing fun over their partner’s expectations. If being on time is not a personal value for them, they may not recognize its importance in maintaining trust and respect within the relationship.

Why They Avoids Talking About Spending

Just as some men struggle with being on time, many avoid discussing their spending habits unless they fear their partner’s reaction. This behavior can stem from different psychological and social factors.

Fear of Judgment or Conflict

Many people, regardless of gender, avoid discussing money because they fear judgment or an argument. They are often raised with the belief that they should be financially independent and responsible providers (Mahalik et al., 2003). If they feel their spending does not align with this expectation, they may hide it rather than admit financial mistakes.

Impulse Spending and Guilt

Someone who spends impulsively may not communicate their habits because they feel guilty. According to Rick, Cryder, and Loewenstein (2008), guilt plays a significant role in financial decision-making. If they know their spending is excessive or unnecessary, they may avoid discussing it to escape feelings of guilt and shame.

Lack of Financial Transparency

Some individuals may not have grown up in environments where financial discussions were open. If their family did not openly discuss money matters, they might not see the importance of sharing financial details with their partner. Instead, they may handle their finances independently until a problem arises.

Control and Independence

For some, money represents freedom and independence. Someone who avoids discussing spending might feel that revealing too much will lead to restrictions. They may fear that their partner will try to control their spending, even if that is not the case. Research by Dew and Dakin (2011) suggests that financial transparency is linked to relationship satisfaction, but many people still struggle to share financial details.

How to Address These Issues in a Relationship

If you are dealing with a partner who is always late or avoids discussing finances, addressing the issue directly and constructively can help.

Setting Clear Expectations

Instead of getting upset every time they are late, have a conversation about why punctuality matters to you. Express your feelings without accusations. Instead of saying, “You never care about my time,” try, “I feel unimportant when I am waiting for you.” This approach encourages discussion rather than defensiveness.

Creating Time Awareness Strategies

Encourage time awareness by suggesting tools such as setting phone alarms or reminders when out with friends. Planning for extra time, knowing delays are likely, can also help reduce lateness.

Encouraging Financial Transparency

When it comes to finances, creating a judgment-free space for discussion is key. Instead of waiting until an issue arises, set regular times to discuss spending and budgeting together. If your partner fears judgment, reassure them that open conversations about money are about teamwork, not control.

Understanding Emotional Triggers

Both lateness and financial secrecy are often tied to emotions like fear, guilt, or avoidance. Understanding these triggers can help you approach the situation with empathy rather than frustration.

Conclusion

Someone who is always late when hanging out with friends or avoids discussing spending habits may not be acting out of disrespect, but rather due to ingrained habits, social pressures, and emotional triggers. While these behaviors can be frustrating, open communication, clear expectations, and understanding psychological factors can help improve the situation. Relationships thrive on trust, and addressing these issues together can lead to greater understanding and stronger connections.

Exciting update! As of April 7th, 2025, this article now recognizes that people of all genders face these relationship challenges!

References

Deutsch, M., & Gerard, H. B. (1955). A study of normative and informational social influences upon individual judgment. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 51(3), 629–636.

Dew, J., & Dakin, J. (2011). Financial disagreements and marital conflict tactics. Journal of Financial Therapy, 2(1), 23-42.

Mahalik, J. R., Burns, S. M., & Syzdek, M. (2007). Masculinity and perceived normative health behaviors as predictors of men's health behaviors. Social Science & Medicine, 64(11), 2201-2209.

Peetz, J., & Buehler, R. (2009). Is there a budget fallacy? The role of savings goals in the prediction of personal spending. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 35(12), 1579-1591.

Rick, S., Cryder, C., & Loewenstein, G. (2008). Tightwads and spendthrifts. Journal of Consumer Research, 34(6), 767-782.

This article was AI-assisted and then extensively reviewed and edited to ensure accuracy and readability.